ive been busy with work. so busy that i didnt update my blog, whenever i could i will be outside to release my stress. im sorry ive left this blog for some time. after months, im finally typing something out here, but i did not upload any photos, due to my laggy internet connection. life had been tough these few months, lots of obstacles God had gave me to overcome, to face and to experience. i admit i was nearly going to go insane. loanshark issue, broken trust, girl hospitalised, etc. i realise alot through these times and ive seen the cruelity of realistic of how the world had become. thou, it hurts alot and it hurts deep. but i still never give up in seeking of the hope and warmth in each and everyone of us. life suppose to be beautiful, full with love and happiness, why must it to be turn out this way? just because im being treated this way doesnt mean i had to treat people that way. yes, im disappointed and i do feel angry, at that moment. but till the end of story, i will tell myself, never to give up. i never give up in trusting people even i had been making mistakes and mistakes, ive learnt my mistakes.. i will learnt to be more cautious but i dont know how to not trust anyone. sometimes, i hate myself, i ask myself why? why cant i just be myself? dont bother dont care, because in this reality we had to change to protect ourselves. in my heart, i hate this fact. i dont know if i should change? if i change, i will be someone i hate. if i dont, i will never stop giving trouble and problems not only to me but my loved ones, my family and my girl. ive been struggling, am i really too naive? or just that i dont want to give in to this world? perhaps im too stubborn. although this is how the world flows, but after 25years, im still thinking of whether should i or not to go with the flow? LMAO. insanity of me! perhaps im someone who live in 23000years ago! when there is only nature and living is just so simple. its time to wake up! can anyone enlighten me?