nothing's more important to me than my childrens. i will work hard for it just to have them be safe, healthy & secure. just hope i can endure through this tough,emotionally-challenged & stressful times. to make a better future to come, i must overcome this down period. so i am telling & reminding myself right now: "dont let this defeat you(me). remember, its not going to be permanent! nothing's impossible, you(i) must believe in hope & you(i) shall succeed!"

heart-aching.

recently the news of a 2years old girl being left unattended on the street after a hit & run in China really got me on my nerves. i cant believe this is real, i cant imagine such inhumanity actually do exist in this world right now. the toddler who cant even merely walk probably, was hit not just once but twice! by a van & then a lorry! wth~ & those passer-bys just take it as they saw nothing lying on the floor. she was just a 2 years old toddler & it took after 18 passerbys who treated her as transparent, just to have an old woman who finally went to aid that helpless girl who had already been bleeding profusely. whats going on with the people there? its heart-aching, not just about the girl, but seeing that people had became so cold-bloodedly makes me felt they are just like murderers. yes murderers, seriously they seems no difference to me by leaving the girl there to die. they aint human, but creatures! & one of the driver who had hit her can even put the blame back on that girl saying that she didnt look where she's going! oh fuck him, if that 2years old could understand how dangerous it is. & how about him? such a grown-up & yet cant SEE where he is heading to? it disgust me even more when he doesnt even felt guilty at all & still dare to say he is not going to turn himself in but to flee as he say he didnt did it intentionally! when the media got hold of this & headed to check out why there isnt any aid, the result is just as saddening. it was due to the fear of extortion? so thats how China's society had become? for the sake of surviving, they've lost their morals. in fact i felt that they had already lost their purpose of living! i hate discrimination as i always thinks that every human is equal & should be treated fairly. but to those people, i cant help but to discriminate them! i dont know how to understand their position, & i cant even accept this is human acts, no matter how ignorant one can be, this shouldnt be happening as even animals have instinct & save their own kind, but it seems like humans are killing one another. & for the girl's parents, i dont know how to say it but somehow i felt sad but i dont pity them. my mind was like :" how can you let your only 2years old daughter wander out in the street like that? " if you really care, you wont leave your child out of sight in the first place when she is just 2 right? as a mother myself, i would have keep an eye on her as she is just too young to know what's dangerous is all about. for our kids, we, the parents should be their guidance & not just leave them on their own! oh my, this really boils me off. sometimes, it got me thinking perhaps thats why God is angry with us. i used to wonder why but now i can truly understand, i felt it deep in me.

these days...

the feelings is not so right, uncomfortable with my tummy. indigestion, heartburn & constipation. & now nausea is back & it sucks. seriously, how do you feel when you keep having the kick of vomiting each time after a meal? it makes me loss of interest in doing anything than to rest on my bed till the feeling subside. what makes me worse is im craving for food all the time. im not hungry but i just want to eat, bite on something sweet, spicy & full of flavours. yet i felt like vomiting. -.-" contradicting.. i dont know why. perhaps have to ask BabyBoy. kinda stressed up lately due to the financial problems, i sincerely hope i can endure it through this tormented moment so i can get back on track once im free of pregnancy & confinement as im not gonna let it be a burden on my shoulder & keep bothering about it. i swear that once i get working & start earning, money will never become a problem again like now. im going to turn my life back to the times when i can spend on with no worries. not necessarily had to be rich, but just as sufficient for expenses & savings. i will & i shall & i must make it happen!!!!!!!!!

a lil UPDATE.

im officially 25weeks in pregnancy today. had my routine check-up at KKH on friday, & BabyBoy is doing fine ^^. didnt get to see him as no scanning was done that day, gotta wait till next appointment in November then i will be able to see him on the screen once again. seriously, time flies really fast. & it seems faster to me this year. is this a sign that im feeling old? its like in a glimpse of eye my girl is now going 3 years old, its like it was only yesterday i had given birth to her & now she's talking to me: "hey mummy, what you're doing?" as a reminiscence, i re-read my blog & the posts i had wrote in the past. what to say, i had a real good laugh on those good times & really had myself reflected on those bad ones. & ive got myself to realise that life is truly unpredictable. you'll never know whats gonna happen in the next moment. just like when i re-read a post i wrote few years back & i said there: "how i wish my house nearby can have a shopping mall like Jurong Point.", & now Nex is just 2 bus-stops away from my house. LOL. just like i had never expected to be pregnant again, but yet im having BabyBoy in my tummy now. in a year time, he will be right beside me & just like my dear Edlysia, giving me laughters & joy. =) somehow or rather, i missed working. especially the days when i was so busy with my previous job. although its been stressful & i always ended up lacking of sleep or no OFF days, but it was really challenging & had fulfilled my daily life. ever since ive left there,i felt a sense of lost. suddenly im not used to be feeling so free again. haha. ive came to realise i really love that job. =X omg, im mad but i cant deny im missing it now. the only doubt i had for not planning to work back that sort of industry is the lost of time accompanying my loved ones which means alot to me too. i feel that having my child accompanied during their childhood time is rather important as i always believe that kid's childhood can affect their future being, & as a mother, i should also do my part for them, spare a thought of what they really needed & not just about earning more bucks for them. so currently, im kinda lost in direction for my career, well hopefully i can get to figure it out what i want to work as after BabyBoy's arrival. having BabyBoy equivalent to having more responsibilities & more expenses needed thus ive gotta work harder & play lesser, but its worth! now i need a house, need a good stable job with enough time for my family, & need savings!! please remind me, not to spend so much & SAVE! im very bad at this, & i gotta really kick off this super bad habits if not its not gonna be good for my kids. unless ive managed to get a job with pay more than 5k. wahaha~~ if not, its better for me to stay away from spending.